[es-pree de less-ka/-iay] (idiom) A witty remark that occurs to you too late, literally on the way down the stairs. The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations defines esprit de l'escalier as, "An untranslatable phrase, the meaning of which is that one only thinks on one's way downstairs of the smart retort one might have made in the drawing room."
I started writing about something and realized that I shouldn't. Today wasn't the greatest day I've had. It wasn't the worst, just frustrating. Hope you all have a lovely weekend. I hope to shake off these sticky, uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy and irritation and to sleep well for the first time in a long while.
Here are some photos from a roll of medium format film I exposed incorrectly. I forgot to change the film type. Oops. Rookie mistake. These two are nice, though. Above you see Frank in a favorite hangout, beneath the catnip. The one below is Frank and a friend, which is really way too dark and grainy, but still quite sweet.
Update: The day was an emotional rollercoaster and I've just said some tearful farewells to some dear people I've become very fond of. I hate goodbyes.
As I was brushing my teeth last night I realized I had missed my third blog anniversary. I knew it was in June sometime and had completely overlooked it in my whirlwind of travel. I looked it up this morning and realized I had a good excuse for missing the actual day: I was in a small town in Ireland to be in my friend's wedding.
I emailed with Natasha this morning and she assured me that I could celebrate this space belatedly. In fact, since it's our (my blog and me) third anniversary, that means leather. She said if she was a better person she would buy me either this, this or this. (I'm kind of ga-ga over the second option - so pretty.)
Actually, I got a little gift, a good luck talisman of sorts, before I left from a dear bloggy friend. In response to my email saying I would need to slaughter a goat to appease the travel gods to make all my crazy flight/train connections, she sent me little Nana Goat. (See below at the Zwinger in Dresden.) I'm going to extend Nana's function to cover this anniversary, as well as safe travels.
I like that I have these friends that think of me and send me odd little things in the mail. In fact, in general I just like the people I have met through this space. I don't want to get maudlin or anything, and I have a feeling the people I hold nearest and dearest know who they are (ie: the people that helped me get started, the friends I made early on, and the already existing friends who have shared this space with me, etc. - I said I wouldn't list and then I listed - sheesh).
I think it is a little funny to have had my anniversary while I was on my longest blog break since I started. It was nice to not constantly be drafting posts in my head, but sometimes it felt like the blog was part of a secret identity or something. It is not something I necessarily talk about with people who don't already know of its existence, but I feel like it is a large part of who I am. When I do bring it up, I never know how people will react. Most people, I find, have little interest in the internet. I did find some other bloggers on my trip, though.
Anyhow, I always end up feeling incoherent in my anniversary posts. Thanks, dear readers (known and unknown to me), for sharing this space with me. It's grown from rambling bits to include my photography and even longer rambling bits, sometimes including pie. That's the new motto around here: come for the stories and pictures, stay for the pie.
I am back and decompressing. My mother said she is very ashamed of the sloth the household has exhibited today, for me, though, it's been exactly what I needed. For three weeks I have been surrounded by strangers (in airports, buses, trains) or by my American and German counterparts or friends (new and old). It is really nice to be in a dark, cool place with no worries about making connections or presentations or not knowing the language.
I don't know where to start with my adventures. I have 8 rolls of film to get developed and I think I'll tell bits and pieces as I post photos. Off the bat I have a small stack of polaroids to share. The top photo is of the Frauenkirche in the old city part of Dresden (which was totally destroyed at the end of WWII). It was rebuilt and reopened in 2005. The photo directly above is of some graffiti I enjoyed. Graffiti was plentiful throughout the city. The photo below is from an art passageway in the Neustadt, the area all the young people in town go out in. The wall is called "Rain" (or something like that) and opposite to it is "Sun," a yellow wall. One free afternoon, towards the end of our stay, I wandered it with some of my American friends.
I have stolen this idea from Andrea of Hula Seventy, but this is a list of 27 things I would like to do before I turn 28. It was hard coming up with 27 things, and a couple things are already things in the works, which may constitute cheating, but it's good to have a list of things you can cross off. It gives one a sense of accomplishment. Kathleen suggested at some age you start going backwards, so at like 50 you have a list of 49 years, in the hopes that you make it to 100, and would have one item left. I like that idea.
1. Visit my sister.
2. Host a music/cd swap on my blog.
3. Collaborate with a friend on a photo project.
4. Collaborate with a blog friend on a project of some sort.
5. Complete a knitted project.
6. Stop using plastic/paper bags at stores.
7. Read an urban planning/design book for fun.
8. Go camping.
9. Go on a trip with a friend.
10. Visit a place I have never been.
11. Make a blurb book some of my polaroids.
12. Redesign my blog.
13. Sew something.
14. Take more photos of people.
15. Meet another blog friend in person.
16. Do something for my brother.
17. Write more for newcritics.
18. Eat something I might not normally eat.
19. Have a photo shoot with some of my friends.
20. Bake a pie from scratch.
21. Learn to meditate.
22. Go to an OSU football game.
23. Refinish two chairs that I bought last summer.
24. Visit some place in Ohio I've never been.
25. Attend a permaculture seminar.
26. Take a yoga class.
27. Get a job for after I graduate.
Notes on my list: 2, 3, 6 and 10 are already planned (hi Anne-Lise, I can't wait for #3!).
#4, Blue, Jennifer, whoever, anyone interested in cooking up something fun?
#6, I'm looking at you Amanda, let's chat about this.
#11 is stolen from abbytrysagain.
#16 is vague, but there you go.
#22 is a bit of a surprise to me.
#23 has been on my to-do list since last July.
#25 was inspired by my sustainability class last night.
#27 is a little out of scope for this list, since I graduate after my birthday next year, but it's always good to remember that I'll need a real job again soon. Eek.
In case you're yearning to see another list o'me, I was tagged for a meme by Kathleen and Blue. My response is at Kathleen's here.
Her response: Umm - yay! It kind of makes me want to MOVE to Paris and spend my days doing something kind of pointless and yet employable. Publishing? Floral consultant? Then I could spend my days being modestly fabulous and rubbing elbows with the man. How much do you love the little horse lapel pin? And the stars tie? I truly truly love him...
My response: Yes, I have to love anyone that is thoughtful about the little details of their life. Let's move to Paris. You can arrange flowers. I'll push croissants in the bakery next door. We can meet beautifully dressed ex-pats from elsewhere, marry, have little babies with French accents and multiple passports.
PART TWO: Thoughts on the weekend
My weekend was full of friends from different eras/spheres of my life, though they all overlap, even if they don't know each other well. Thursday I got to spend some quality time with my friend Kristen. We hiked around Lake Griffey, and we paused often to admire the brown trees and the silence, and to discuss the finer points of movies and books we liked and disliked. We spent the evening eating pizza, watching Northern Exposure and with me reading her BtVS comics. (I'm totally hooked - damn you Joss Whedon!)
The rest of the weekend was mostly spent with a group of six to seven other girls (the number fluctuated slightly), in celebration of our friend's impending wedding in Ireland. I felt a little out of step, which makes sense since of the girls I do know, I had only seen/kept in good contact with the bride and I hadn't really seen the rest since we graduated college five years ago. In some ways it was easy, as it is with old friends. In others it was hard, since most of the party was coming from NYC and knew each other on a more regular (if not daily/weekly) basis. Plus I was the only one of the group that did not have some major long term relationship. All of this coupled with nostalgia, heavy drinking and poor sleep has left me a little depressed.
I did duck out of the estrogen fest to visit with my friend Anthony, whom I've grown to admire more and more. We shared easy conversation over lunch. Instead of driving me straight back to the Union, where I was staying, we buzzed over to his place to show me the color samples for the walls of his new/old house, because he knows I'm a dork when it comes to thoughts of home decorating. I'm jealous of his squeaky wood floors and his killer vintage stove.
PART THREE: Random thoughts on music
According to iTune's email today, the new Death Cab album out in May is supposed to be good. I don't know how much I believe an ad that doesn't cite its sources, but I'm looking forward to it nonetheless. I heard the tail end of its single this evening on the radio. Really, though, "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" has been in my head for days. Maybe that's because of my demographic. According to AllMusic's review of the album on which that song appears, "Thematically, Plans is the Death Cab for Cutie suitable for graduate students, world-weary and wiser from their experiences, realizing they can no longer be love-starved 20-somethings without a clue yet hopelessly cursed to face the same issues." Yep, that nicely rounds out how I'm feeling. Watch the video below.
Today started off a bit soggy. It started raining yesterday evening and did not stop until this evening. Thus my trip to the polls early this morning was fairly wet, and my galoshes got a work out. I found something amusing with voting today. It must be that Ohioans aren't used to voting in primary elections, because I saw two people have mini tantrums about having to choose one ballot over another. I think it's because they were Republican and only wanted to vote on the Democratic ticket for president. Frankly I didn't have a lot of sympathy.
I am currently coming off the giddiness that follows public speaking. I just gave my final presentation for my "Where Do I Fit?" class, in which I had to describe what kind of planner I want to be when I get done with my master's program. We had to have one slide with an image that would serve as our inspiration. I chose this photo of the Urban Planning Exhibition Hall in Shanghai. When I saw it, I thought about the mass of humanity that would be living in such a dense urban area, and how nature and community could possibly be balanced. My interests in planning are related to design, community and sustainable living. In a perfect world I'd be able combine these three interests in a job to make urban living better in America in places like Columbus, Ohio. I'd also like to be able to write about it. (Have I told you how Dwell magazine influenced two major life decisions last year, including getting a master's in urban planning? I'd love to be published by them one day.)
I'm writing about this now partially to start forming more coherent thoughts for myself (and my final paper for that class). It's funny how this assignment has been both difficult and easy. I know what sparks my interests and passions, but it's hard to consolidate those interests into goals. Part of the assignment entails writing a "perfect future resume" - which I haven't yet started. It's exciting and scary to dream, especially when there are real life implications (even if they are good implications).
Anyhow, sorry for the navel gazing, though that's what this space is often for. I just got two rolls of film back today and have some great photos to share this week. Stay tuned! (Below is a shot of the main drag in town, taken Sunday during our short bit of beautiful weather.)
Something has happened to me recently. I started to feel again about politics. For so long I was angry and then I was numb. Suddenly I'm not numb anymore. I'm listening to NPR in the morning and actually hearing and caring. I feel excited again. I'm still undecided, unlike a couple of friends. It turns out that my vote in March might mean something.
This may seem a little whatever to you, because who hasn't been discouraged since 2000? But to me this change of heart is huge. I was raised discussing politics and my Grandmother, my hero and favorite person, was a CSPAN junkie and it was because of her that I studied political science as an undergrad. This deadening over the past couple of years has saddened me on another level, because of this connection to my Grandmother. I'm sorry she's missing this election cycle, because she would have enjoyed it. I'm excited to vote again, and that she would love.
This weekend I was more or less lazy, still recovering from the weekend previous and the bustle of last week. I did not get much crossed off my to-do list. The title to this post is in regards to the midterm in my land use law class, for which I am not very prepared. It's on Wednesday. It's that time of the quarter when I'm starting to have anxiety dreams. Dreams frought with bizarre symbolism - birds nest hair days and mazing, overcrowded bathrooms. One dream last week had a bunch of garlic bulbs, which I know was inspired by this photo. (The photo is quite nice, so I don't know why they appeared, but there they were.)
Yesterday I was exhausted from a night spent contra dancing with a new friend and an old friend. It had been a long time since I'd been contra dancing and it was a lot of fun. I watched the end of the big game last night, in between watching the Jane Austen on PBS. (I might post thoughts on that series this week.) The game ended up being very exciting! Which is nice, because I find that championship games so often are not.
Today and tomorrow are supposed to be warmer than normal, but with high humidity. We missed all of the winter storms last week, and didn't get any snow, though the schools closed Friday in mistaken anticipation. This morning was dark and misty, and looked like a Japanese ink painting. I love the dark grey mist shrouding the darker silhouettes of trees.
I'm feeling guilty about not having time to write lately. This week has been busy and I haven't gotten home at a normal hour since Monday. Tomorrow morning I have to be at work super early and then bounce around, plus I'm missing a party in New York tonight.
This morning, on my commute to my internship, I was full of thoughts about the morning light. This is a common occurrence. Today, though, the sunrise was unbelievable. Lurid almost. Wild, day-glo pinks and purples turned to a tangerine. I couldn't help but gape. Winter mornings so often are filled with washed out pastels that are nice enough but nothing to write home about. This sky shamed them. While the colors were intense, what I almost liked more was its reflected light on the farms I passed. I love how the pink and orange softly tint the white houses and barns. The indirect light makes them glow in the morning's murkiness.
I need to get to bed. I've had blog posts half written in my head all week long. One or two posts are bubbling for New Critic's one year anniversary. Hopefully one will make it up this weekend. I'm hoping to post photos during the week more, since I don't have a ton of time to write. I may re-do the blog as well, as I'd like to have more room for photos. Oh, I have such grand schemes, we'll see what I can pull together amidst my school work and odds and ends.
Have a lovely weekend! I'm rooting for the Giants on Sunday, because the son of one of my co-workers is playing. Which I still find crazy. He's had a year I can't even imagine. Later.
I'm heading to my favorite town to see some of my favorite people. I'm a lucky girl. It's been a crazy year with a lot jammed into it. I keep saying to myself that I'm going to write (a now) New Year's letter to send out to people, but let's face it, it's not going to happen. So maybe I can do a brief recap here. This year has been full of cat hair, travel and school. Monsieur Frank joined me last November. I went to China in March, and to various places in the US. I continue to be overeducated as I ditched one master's program for another and now find myself back in Ohio.
Last week I had a brief freak out about how I'm 26 and living in my parents' basement, but I quickly got over it. I'm on a solid path and while I'm still uncertain about specifics in the future, but I'm not really worried about not having options or anything. I'm entering this new year feeling fairly confident in myself and where I'm heading (wherever that may be). I will just continue trying to make my life what I want it to be, knowing that I'm lucky to have the support and tools to do so.
This coming year looks like it will be travel-filled as well. I'm going to visit two absolute, top-ten list favorite ladies in San Francisco in a couple of weeks. June will be full of Guinness as I head to my old roommate's wedding in Ireland. I'm in it. It's the first wedding I'm in, so perhaps being a bridesmaid will get old, but I love the two people getting married and am proud to stand up for them. There are a couple of other places I'd like to get to, as well, but school may cramp those plans.
It's curious starting over in a new (old) place. My life seems a little makeshift at times, but I'm making little steps to having a more normal social life. Which is good, though I miss my friends in Chicago often. But, I'm on my way to see them, so I won't whine too much. Sprinkled throughout this post are some photos I took of Navy Pier in November with my friend Sharon's Yashica Mat medium format camera. I'm doubly lucky, because she's going to lend me the camera to play with for a couple of months.
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